~Sp-i-der

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"I've never been called a Q-tip before"

Journal Entry: Wed Jun 9, 2010, 5:08 PM

_{That's a quote from my Economics teacher. Someone told her her dress looked like it had Q-tips on it, and she said that. I dunno, I liked it. xD;

So I came back from Orientation, and I am mad tired. I learned a lot of interesting things about Massachusetts (apparently up there a water fountain is called a "bubbla") and I met some cool people. I did have a lot of fun, even though I was mostly by myself. I'm going to have to explain how I ended up being alone most of the time:

First off, I am kind of a loner. I prefer to do projects by myself, and I like being alone because I know where I stand with me and I don't have to worry about saying something stupid or annoying to myself. I like taking walks by myself and just enjoying the outdoors and the trees and stuff.

Secondly, most of the kids were typical high school teenagers, as in, they wouldn't acknowledge me for long because I wasn't a) another typical female or b) another dude. Which was kinda hard. That's one of the reasons I like being alone, because I can't really write myself off so easily. But anyway. A lot of the people there seemed kind of superficial, and most of them were preppy party-goers. Which was really weird, because these same people were really smart. I mean, incredibly intelligent kids. And all they wanted to do was get laid or drunk. I know that a lot of teens (and even adults) think like this, but I always imagined these people to be of average or lesser intelligence. To see a large number of smart people preferring this kind of stuff was shocking. I mean, I don't mind parties, I guess, and I would be okay (depending) with smoking weed, but I don't like to drink and usually the people that do judge me as "uncool" because I don't want to get smashed. It was so weird.

For instance, the only other Astronomy major there was a kid named JP (hopefully he doesn't use DeviArt, though I doubt it and how would he find this anyway?). He was really smart, and he even said that he got a 10 out of 10 on the second part of UMass's Math Placement test, which was heavy with Trigonometry and not exactly a piece of cake. At first, I couldn't believe it. Looking at him, you'd think he was only some frat boy-partier that only wanted to get into the pants of every "cool" girl he could find (which was the impression he gave when he talked to me too) that wasn't any good at academics. So this information was incredible. I mean, I suppose when someone that smart goes to high school it's much easier to adapt to what is expected, instead of becoming the "nerdy kid". I'm not trying to say he should have been a stereotypical smart boy; I just figured he'd be more... normal, I guess? I dunno how to explain it. And it's not like I didn't try to get to know him. Of course, I'm super shy around strangers, so it was difficult for me to find something to say - but he didn't try at all. He spent the entire orientation following some flirty preppy girl around, along with several other boys (who were also really smart, as in Engineering and Physics and Bio majors!). I was kind of annoyed. He was the only person I had anything in common with first off, and he didn't even try to even becoming acquainted with me. It was just, Oh hey, nice to meet you, oh I've gotta go try to have a chance with that other girl.

I suppose I shouldn't be so upset or whiny about this, but this situation cropped up a lot over the course of orientation and it made me feel really insecure. There was another guy, Andrew, who was INCREDIBLE at singing and playing the piano at the same time (he did a rendition of Hello by Lionel Richie for Open Mic night). He even talked to me a little before hand, and seemed pretty cool, but when I tried to talk to him later he left with a group of guys. I was dismissed as a girl, and therefore unimportant. I did meet two girls who liked me enough to trade numbers with me and make plans for movie nights, but it was hard socializing with them because they had paired off with each other, and I was kind of a third wheel. Not in a "they were in a sexual relationship" kind of way, but you know what I mean. It made sense, of course - they had a lot more in common with each other than they did with me, plus, of course, I was incredibly shy - but it made me feel a little bad. I was better at talking to one or the other alone. Though I still wasn't incredibly good at that. Ha, social blocks. xP;

It wasn't all bad, though. I know that's the impression I'm giving. I did meet some cool people who I could have been great friends with, and I should have talked to more, but I felt like I would end up being creepy or just following them around like a lost puppy. I should have realized beforehand that everyone would pair off, because that's what highschoolers do, and it would have been beneficial to me to have done the same. But it's okay. I like to think I'll end up making at least some friends next year. I'm already excited for the fall. I picked a really cool class (plus three that I was required to take) and I have a nice schedule with a lot of free time. I ended up singing (by myself! without music!) at Open Mic night, and I also sang with a few other people at open mic when they did Don't Stop Believin'. It was really cool. I liked walking around campus and exploring the residence halls, and I liked all of the clubs and organizations UMass has. I just hope that there will be more people like those two girls, who - even though I felt at odds with them at times - pretty much adopted me. And I hope that there will be people who I can talk to that will be smart, funny, able to take a crude joke, and that won't write me off for being atypical or a different gender.

That was a long entry that no one will read. xD;;;}